Thursday, May 31

Spectacular Mahendra

TM is well informed. Mahendra was wearing one of his more spectacular creations last night. Since it was mentioned…

I am feeling a little uncomfortable in my seat right now. I have a confession to make. This tie, which I think a rather strange tie, which elicited several chuckles from me on the first spotting, is growing on me. I can almost say that I like it but the words don’t roll off my tongue with ease just yet. It however captured my gaze and held it. I feel a bit like a teenager with a crush.

Sharing is caring

Must confess I missed the news last night: was having a post-work kip to counter the effects of a boozy lunch...

However, have had several reports from fellow Mahendra addicts that the man was sporting a truly spectacular tie. Will readers please share their reflections with us by posting comments - I am dying to know more details!

Tuesday, May 29

Joanne almost chokes, but not quite...

Joanne was on tonight - haven't seen her for a while. Actually, I lie, I spotted her on Friday, but only ever so briefly, and not particularly worth commenting on...

Tonight she was in a red jacket, and yes, it was definitely red, no puny pomegranate for Joanne.

Her top was black. It was hard to distinguish the cut of its neckline, because the annoyingly large SABC3 logo obscured a great deal of it but, after much peering at the TV screen, it appeared to be a cowl neck. (I am open to correction on this one).

Cowl necks, polo necks, whatever neck it was, none of them work for me. It must be tough being a female newsreader, at least Mahendra gets to wear a tie!

Joanne's outfit was rounded off with a piece of chokeresque neckwear. I say chokeresque, because it didn't quite deserve to be called a choker, not fitting snugly enough.

Sorry, missed the weatherman again. I suspect he is sending much rain to punish me...

Of Sunglasses and Beholders

I was bored with the news last night. It was Tsepiso. Frankly, I can’t remember what she was wearing except for a polo neck, clearly not taking TM’s good advice to heart.

I however could not help thinking about Mahendra when I read this article, for two reasons. Firstly, I’d love to see Mahendra in sunglasses. Does he have one pair only, [Ray Ban? Oakley? Surely not pavement specials?] or is he a serial spec buyer and wearer? Secondly, when reading this blog does he go “…do you genuinely believe that the aesthetic qualities of, say, a dress [make that ‘a tie’] are determined by an onlooker, ie you, probably?” pulling his mouth into that signature ‘smile’ on the eee of probablee.

P.S. If anyone has spotted Mahendra in specs some feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Sunday, May 27

Mahendra - the red peril?


Tonight I sighted Mahendra's new haircut for the first time; it certainly brings out his inner schoolboy, and highlights the naughty twinkle in his eye.

The Raghunath was sporting a dark jarket of indeterminate hue, a white/off-white shirt, and a bold red tie. The tie was printed with white circle-like graphics, which looked like 'tribal swirls', as a fellow Mahendra watcher astutely observed.

Watching the insert about the untimely death of Percy Sonn, I was delighted to see the late Percy also had a fetish for brightly coloured ties. Archival footage showed him wearing one with broad stripes in hues of pink, gold, green and blue. Perhaps he was Mahendra's original style guru?

Normally I put down my pen during the inserts, but they seemed ripe for interpretation tonight. During the piece about the striking workers, I couldn't help but notice the many red banners carried by members of Nehawu.

The workers with red banners. Mahendra with a red tie. Could this be a subtle signal to his many admirers? Will he be running for president on a trade union ticket?

I had to switch off the television before my imagination got the better of me. Apologies to the weatherman: I will make an extra-special note on your attire the next time I tune in...

Saturday, May 26

Mahendra enters succession race

Friday lunchtime news: Mahendra shifts focus from his new schoolboy haircut by wearing his presidential ensemble. That's right: a sensible dark jacket (black or navy, but who knows what the colour-balance settings on the cameras were), a white shirt, and a dark blue tie with a small white motif (or was it gold or grey - see comment on balance settings):



Now those of you who follow national and international news will notice that this kind of ensemble is favoured by presidents infamous and famous all over the world. Both Thabo Mbeki and George Bush have been spotted in similar shades of power. Could Mahendra be holding an ace up his sleeve? Will he run for president of South Africa? What would Sexwale do?

Thursday, May 24

I missed Mahendra

My head was somewhere in the clouds at 7 o'clock this evening, and the rest of my body too, as I was on an aeroplane, homeward bound.

So I missed Mahendra, and also missed him, as it were.

Earlier in the evening, I found myself involuntarily appraising the tie of the driver who was taking me to the airport.

Its knot was disconcertingly modest, and I yearned for Mahendra's bulbous creations. I will refrain from describing this inferior tie in more detail, as I am strongly against product placement(particularly when no one has offered to pay us).

Suffice it to say - the driver's tie competed with Mahendra's in the brightness stakes.

Lunchtime Tintin in light lilac


...or lila as my grandmother used to say. She did not mean the Hindu lila, although it would not have been amiss today as the years fell off Mahendra's face when he read the story about Tintin's 75th birthday. He became visibly excited, his eyes sparkled, and for a moment he looked just like Tintin himself, hairstyle and all. I could (at not too much of a stretch, I might add) even imagine Tintin wearing that diagonally striped red, lila, purple and black tie. And so, when Tembisa asked him if he was a fan he left us with an enthusiastic “OH YES!” from the wings as he ran off. Maybe, if he does not get lost in Tintin's adventures, we will see him tonight for the seven o'clock news, just maybe.

Tuesday, May 22

Raspberry Swirl




"He wears nice ties, sometimes," noted an acquaintance of mine earlier today.
"He also has funny ones," she added, which I thought was more on the mark.

I didn't ask her if she meant funny(strange) or funny(haha): Mahendra's ties switch with ease between the two categories, often occupying both simultaneously.

Tonight I found not only his tie, but his entire outfit, 'funny'.

His jacket was a shimmering silver (although perhaps that was just my television; it could have been merely a light grey), and curiously striped. The stripes themselves gave the effect of standing out from the jacket, reminding me of those hologram pictures that were all the rage in the early '90s. I had to keep blinking my eyes to see if they would go away, but they didn't.

I know quilted jackets are in this winter (again) - but an embossed jacket?! I'm not quite sure that Mahendra is on trend with this one.

Then there was the so-not-subtle stitching detail around the buttonhole on his lapel, which I suspect could become a trademark of Mahendra's style. This time it was in black (and when I went up close to the screen, there appeared to be white stitching, around the black stitching, around the buttonhole). It matched his microphone, but did not go at all with the light tone of the jacket.

Mahrendra's shirt was plum-coloured, and the most mundane part of his attire. It only gets one sentence. Or two, or three...

The tie itself? It was a showstopper! My guess is it was chosen in a well-intentioned attempt to match the jacket, the shirt, and the microphone, all at once. I can't swear I remember all the colours (my eyes were bamboozled at the time), but I noted tones of royal purple, grey, black, white, light pink, and maroon.

It looked like raspberry-swirl ice cream, when it is still in the container before you have disturbed its pristine, striped glory.

Sometimes I feel as if Mahendra is teasing us all...

[See also "Goeie Genugtig..."]

Monday, May 21

The return of the marshmallow woman

Missed Mahendra, but there was enough entertainment tonight without him, although it does seem slightly sacrilegious to say so.

Tsepiso Makwetla was dressed in a most peculiar confection. I know that it's cold at the moment, but I have also realised that no presenter anywhere, ever, no matter the temperature, should resort to wearing a polo-neck jersey. Poor Tsepiso resembled nothing so much as Mr and Mrs Twit, their health declining and their necks descending, as they succumbed to an attack of the dreaded shrinks.

But this wasn't all. On top of her basic black polo neck, Ms Makwetla wore a pink jacket, the hue of which can best be described as 'marshmallow'. If she were six-years-old, yes. If it were summer, and she were wearing a floaty, strappy dress to a garden party, perhaps. But not for the seven o'clock news, no.

PS - I do try to attend only to the most frivolous aspects of the news, but after watching tonight's bulletin, I feel I must add: Brett & Richard, RIP.

Sunday, May 20

Random Mahendra fact

Although my sojourn in the big smoke was all too brief, I did so hope I would have a real live sighting of Mahendra.

No, I didn't spend the weekend hanging out at the SABC studios but, as I walked past Tie Stop in Sandton city, I thought I might be in with a chance.

No Mahendra spotted though, and I had to make do with a vicarious encounter. It transpires that a fellow Mahendra connoisseur, one of my theatre companions on Saturday evening, served the man himself at a restaurant a few years ago...

"What did he eat?" I asked breathlessly.
"I don't know," she replied.

Undaunted, I pressed on with my interrogation.
"Was he wearing a tie?"
"I don't remember," she said. "It was a long time ago."

Surely there was something that would jog her memory?
"Did he leave a good tip?" I ventured.
"Yes, he did," she acknowledged, but that was all she had to say on the matter.

At least we know Mahendra isn't stingy. Perhaps he should put some of his salary towards hiring a new personal shopper?

Tsepiso misses Retro Boat

Tsepiso Makwetla tonight, not the MAN. What a shame.

Our sitting rooms were graced by a jacket coloured somewhere between Pale Dull Orange and Pale Dull Red with a Pale Dull Azure T-shirt. Out of this poked Tsepiso's head reading the news in a pleasant manner. Good to listen to but I had to turn my back on the colour combination that reminded me of the worst kind of retro wall paper. I am not even going to mention the hundreds of little pleats on the front of the T-SHIRT like top that she was wearing. Ladies, no one should read the news in a T-shirt unless you are on M-TV and reading that kind of news...you know. Can we call on Mahendra to intervene, to give a tip or five? I am getting desperate.

P.S. Unfortunately Visibone looses the colours on the link but if you have time on your hands play around with the browns and azures. You will soon get the picture.

Saturday, May 19

The Chicken be back...

and it was red. A red jacket shimmering on all the non-HD sets, a black camisole-like thing underneath and a choker that, erm, was hanging way too limply from her neck and resembled wattle. That was Johandra.

And Graeme no-it's-life-not-coke Richards looking like a schoolbot in white shirt, thin black tie (it's a new thing), and a grey, casual waistcoat. He's got his finger on the pulse of metropolitan fashion this boy, but he still looks shaken by it.

Graeme Mahendra Simon


Last night, Mahendra appeared in a deep-black jacket, a cloudwhite (or is it light blue?) shirt and a tie that needs to be seen to be believed. Half-inch diagonal stripes in red, gold, pink and blue-gold. As Mahendra moved, some of the stripes changed colour! Thus blue-gold, thus the northern lights tie!



'Have a super weekend,' he said, 'Good night.'

'But not good luck,' said AT.

But now, what's going on with Simon Weatherman Gear? In his black jacket a la Mahendra, blue-grey (battleship grey?) shirt and dusty pink tie? He be trying hard, but the man not the Mahendra.

And Graeme Hyperactive Richards? In a fudge shirt and chocolate pullover vest? WTF, as the yoot might say? Fudge and chocolate!?

Friday, May 18

What *is* the correct way to pack a tie?

My housemate is defiantly watching the eTV news. As I'm due to leave for the airport in 15 minutes and have yet to pack, I'll leave this battle for next week. No doubt my fellow watchers will alert you to any sartorial activity by Mr Raghunath.

Going away, even just for the weekend, has made me ponder Mahendra's packing habits. Do you think he wears Hawaiian ties on vacation? Does he have a special case in which he lovingly rolls them up? I will contemplate these questions in depth as I drink my Bloody Mary on the flight, and post my conclusions upon my return.

Thursday, May 17

Mahendra ruffled?

I flicked to the news just in time to hear Mahendra reading the headlines: '...while protests continued... etc.' I was excited that I had managed to spot him at last, but his tone of voice struck me as unneccessarily gleeful for the subject matter.

Yes, Mahendra was back!

His hair was done in his customary '50s style; his jacket had the usual sheen; his tie was a muted pink (well, truth be told, it was fairly bright in tone, but these things are relative); yet it was his shirt that perturbed me most. Faint salmon stripes that (on my old television set) could easily be mistaken for miniature ruffles, or tucks? Whatever they were, the effect was decidedly odd.

It's snowing here, Live!

I have an 80 000 word thesis to write before the morning, so quickly: The Mahendra was spotted through a light snow (coldfront moving in) in his black jacket, white shirt and a not too obnoxious pink tie. AT, however, is deeply ambivalent about it, and the crimson buttonhole, AT says, clashes a bit with the tie.

AT was also concerned with a certain ashened look to The Raghunath's eyebrows. I couldn't discern it through the snowy set. Perhaps, I mused, he had to contend with Joanne's make-up artist.

The True Confessions of a Crabmommy

The Mahendra Watch Project (an underfunded non-governmental organisation) would like to extend a warm welcome to Crabmommy, who is now sorted with 'Tomu. Crabmommy specializes in 'keepin' it real' where motherhood is concerned, resisting designer-mother consumerism (well, she can't afford it) and telling it like it is. This includes facing the dangers of bears and loons in the wide open spaces of Wyoming, turning motherhood into something David Lynch might want to film.

Here is an extract from her early posts:

A few years ago, my dream was to find a swell and rampantly appealing on all fronts man, mate with him and produce a spawn. All happened. After innumerable misfirings and datings of the wrong sort (alcoholic carpenters and schizophrenic actors always come to mind), I finally met the man on the subway in New York City, went out with him for a year and half, and promptly got knocked up. Even though the baby was unplanned, said swell and rampantly appealing on all fronts man (seriously, the best possible guy) ponied up the support, physical, emotional, financial. We got married: I had a fetching frock; we had a party involving marzipan and cherry blossoms and friends...
Her dream comes true, in other words. Yet, in still other words:

We have it blissfully bloody lucky and obviously I know it. So why am I constructing a blog entirely devoted to bitching? Because it is in my nature to crane my neck during such moments and wonder what is on the other side of the abyss that is new parenthood. The lack of money, time; the plethora of tedious moments that in fact comprise an equal if not bulk portion of motherhood...these lead my mind off in wandering directions, making me eager to dish dirt and get a sour taste in the mouth. All that sticky sweetness, the insufferable candy-floss cloud that collects around moms, moms individually, moms in groups, nobody says anything really outrageous (at least not here where we live, a vale of wealth and health and optimism).

And so we start off on the trials and tribulations of being a crabmommy. Read it and laugh until you weep and schmaak it.

She also now has a column at Cookie Magazine, a mag for moms (and dads), where she continues to rail against the cloying sweetness of mommyhood as propagated by, erm, well, Mommy mags.

Wednesday, May 16

Disappointed from Rosebank

After a chance meeting with RK in the French countryside this weekend, my dedication to Mahendra (and, more importantly, his ties) has been renewed.

But alas, the stripey one has not rewarded my commitment.

Instead the news at seven was read by Tsepiso Makwetla. I watched just long enough to catch a glimpse of her bizarre beige camisole and ill-fitting jacket, cheap-looking pendant and gaudy hoop earrings, but had to turn off the television in a fit of pique: why did Mahendra not grace this prodigal blogger with a warm welcome?

Johendra Johandra

Yep, last night it was Joanne again and I felt my melancholic humour (black bile) swell and rise while my other humours (blood, yellow bile, phlegm) shrunk. The funk was come unto me, as the Bible says. Waar sal my hulp vandaan kom?

From AT, naturally. She liked the ensemble, but I thought Joanne was looking suddenly older. Her hair was not as feathery as the night before, and now she looked older. Could she be shape-shifting?

'Yes,' said AT, 'but I still like the jacket.'
'Pumpkin?' I asked.
'No, more like salmon'
'Pumpkin on my TV. Maybe it's your colour settings.'
'No. Must look bloody awful. Changing my colour and hell, yes, it IS orange. Old pumpkin is my vote. Still like the jacket.'

Underneath this pumpkin, she was wearing a black top or t-shirt, and an ephemeral necklace that looked like an executive's toy from the 1980s - you know, all thin, almost invisible wire with gobbets of steel.

And then: 'Something has happened with the weather guys. Even Simon was worthy of a second look last night. Very much Mahendra's style.'

Perhaps there is collective shape-shifting going on at the SABC. Not quite reshuffling, but still. Could Mahendra, in a sly move unbeknownst to his victims, be zapping Johendra and Simondra with special fashion rays, while he shape-shifts into the soberly dressed newsreader we all want?

All of this creates further pressure on Mahendra's Ties to diversify. But how? Subcategories? Different blogs? One blog called Everyone's Ties? Almal Altus? Doesn't quite have the same ring, does it?

But I was already back to being engrossed in Room 207.

Tuesday, May 15

Of Chickens and Giblets

Bloody fool! A sneak preview of a smart Mahendra, and then he disappears. And then we get Joanne Joseph. I used to like Joanne, particularly before her new haircut. But let's hear what AT has to say about Ms. Joseph:

I am giving up on Joanne. Again a t-shirt under a formal jacket. Does she think she is in Miami Vice? And cramming that necklace into that small neckline? Bad hair. Looks like 'n opgepofde hoender.

There you have it.

Monday, May 14

Back!

Mahendra was spotted last night. What a sharp-looking image he cut in his black jacket, white shirt and deep red tie. Am my eyes deceiving me or did I notice a slightly more modest knot in that tie?

My own bloggocism of course wants me to believe that the Mahendra might be checking in here (who hasn't googled themselves, ey?), and perhaps one should be more supportive of his attempts at moderating his style - if a slightly modest knot is evidence of such. But Mahendra might be alarmed to learn that ties are going in a completely opposite direction: the stringy bit is making a comeback, according to a piece at IOL.

I am alarmed. Give us modest ties, not spectacles veering from too wide to a piece of string!

Spotted?

An unconfirmed Reuters report stated that Mahendra, the MAN, was spotted in the French Corner. He does apparently like his literature, collar undone and no tie in sight. Is this the relaxing Mahendra far away from the public, we all wonder?

[Posted by an anonymous watcher - ed.]

Thursday, May 10

Mahendra watch on furlow

There will be no Mahendra watching this weekend, starting today, as I whisk myself off to the French country-side for some eating and drinking, with moments of hobnobbing thrown in. If there are any avid Mahendra-watchers out there, feel free to post a comment on his dress an' ting whenever and wherever you may spot him. If the comment-post satisfies editorial policy (!), it will be placed as a post proper.

Good night and good luck.

No TV

I am afraid that I was off somewhere last night, eating and drinking with fellow watcher AT. So there was no television watching, and hence no Mahendra spotting.

This morning is all a bit of a rush, with Cat Power growling in the background and a mist over the bay. But what do you care? Or I, for that matter? We must stay focussed on our quest: Mahendra.

And I guess the occasional comment about others' sartorial slip-ups.

Tuesday, May 8

News is boring

... especially without Mahendra, the elusive little caracal. And Tsepiso Makwetla, his stand-in, is utterly boring in an off-white gee-up kinda jacket that makes me shiver. It's all so summery, a theme she continues with a white and purple striped shirt underneath that reminds me of sailors. Shiver me timbers. Is it summer up in Gauteng?

Mahendra's Ties goes Interactive!

That is right! What better way to empower fellow citizens? Make it all interactive, so that the reader feels that they have some hands on the whole thing an' ting. Now, as soon as you see a colour mentioned here, you can rush over here and see what the colour is like.

I know there are some younger, hip coders out there who are probably thinking: "Why not just get a tv feed into the machine and give us screen captures?"

Dude, screen captures are so Web 2.0. And this is now! This is how we empower the nation: click here, click there, read a bit, compare, contrast, open a new tab, etcetera. The reader... I mean, the user then learns hands-on, instead of just passively looking at a visual. Passivity is the death of the nation.

Now, if only Plascon would make their site more intuitive...If anyone out there figures out where to find all their colours on one page, instead of arranged by different types of paints...

(And a wave to Jackson, WY, home of the Crabmommy and, literally, a square state)

In days of old...

would this blog have been called Clark's Larks? A national pioneer, one who perhaps set the pattern for Mahendra's mishaps, is Clark McKay. Older South Africans might remember him from Springbok Radio. Look at those ties - certainly made for radio.

Now who would have thought that Mahendra's Ties would branch out into cultural anthropology, unearthing ur-trends in celebrity fashions?

Mahendra's very huge...

URL:



http://www.hugeurl.com/?NmFkZDY3MTRiMDUyZDk0MmI5Zjc3ZmE1NmIw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That's right, if you have a lot of space in your brain, you can show off to friends by reciting this URL for your favourite site over their shoulders while you try and convince them down at the coffee shop that they should subscribe to Mahendra's Ties and watch the colours change.

URL courtesy of hugeurl.com

Monday, May 7

LIVE! LIVE! LIVE!

Mahendra!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's AT on tonight's spotting: "Oh no. That Pick'n'Pay's Choice Mixed-berry fruit juice shirt is not his colour. Makes him look pallid. Hate his tie. It's a disgrace."

Dis grys, I say. Aloemenum.

That's that plummy shirt with that aluminium jacket. Silver shivers... it's the first noticed repeat performance by the Raghunath! I'm sure I missed many, but this is one not difficult to spot.

BTW, one for the statisticians and egos: Readers or bots from as far afield as Modesto and LA, CA, as well as Babson Park (?welcome, I guess?), yes, that's Babson Park, FLA, have pondered Mahendra's fashion felonies. In London too, a reader-bot looks in on Mahendra's fashion faux pas. Durban has a bot or two as well.

David Bullard, alas, has not signed on.

Another Bottle of Joanne Joseph

with a light Oil of Olay ('Ulay') mud colour base in her face and a jacket one shade darker than that with pinstripes. A black camisole-like thingamajig with frilly neckline.

And while Mahendra disappoints deeply once again by staying out of the public eye, Mahendra's Ties gets a fillip and a boost from Amatomu co-developer Vincent Maher.

Is Mahendra a lightning rod? Perhaps, as I start noticing the appalling sartorial misdemeanours perpetrated by the SABC on the unsuspecting public eye. Not only Altus, but also Felicity from 7th Avenue requires mass scrutiny. Have you seen those OUTFITS? F--k me gently on a summer afternoon, but Here! I mean, she is a fashion designer but often looks like a geisha who's had too much LSD before getting dressed. What's up with those very colourful cummerbands wound tightly around her waist, clashing like civilisations with the colour of her dress? Is that supposed to signal her 'creativity', her designer's idiosyncracies? Nee God man.

Saturday, May 5

Elusive Mahendra makes way for...

a bottle of Revlon Sand Beige base, number 004. Oh, no, sorry, it was Joanne Joseph. Dear Lord, her jacket, her face... the same colour of sandy beige or light mud. Lordy lordy. This takes it too far - make-up and clothes coordinated. And a black blouse or shirt with the same sandy beige stripes. A funky hairstyle with streaks, but that jacket... no no.

Friday, May 4

The Humbug is back!

So, AT and I fired up the old VCR (yeah yeah, I know, I should be digital by now) for yesterday's news (Thursday), and there was the man himself, not the sweet. Black jacket with crimson buttonhole, amasi-coloured shirt and that humbuggy, gold striped tie.

But it was all Bah! Humbug! tonight as Mahendra withdrew from public scrutiny to make way for the asymmetrical Tsepiso Makwetla, in a jacket that AT and I struggle to name: dark facebrick, sienna, Gino Ginelli or Aylesbury double choc? I dunno. With a powder blue blouse and matching aquamarine earrings. Quite liked the earrings, but, erm, who cares? Give us more Mahendra!

Thursday, May 3

Mahendra by VCR Proxy

AT, a fellow Mahendra-watcher is experiencing a glitch in the system, so hereby a proxy report on Mahendra spotted VCR-Live! as ever on 2 May:

"[I]magine my surprise to find our man on my video tape reading the 'News in 60 Seconds' just before 'Hard Copy' with the promise of being back at 10pm! And he wore his Northern
Lights
tie with a Broken Pink shirt, which is like Broken White only
Pink, and a fetching Grey jacket. I nearly mistook the huge tie knot
for his head but common sense prevailed and I did not panic...so
nearly 100% Mahendra." -AT

Wednesday, May 2

Wie is Altus?

If you thought Mahendra knew how to keep a revolutionary friendly atmosphere dancing in front of your very eyes with his psychedelic ties, I have another one for you. Sy naam is Altus. According to a focus on Altus at www.7delaan.co.za, he wears funky clothes (!). I kid you not - the funk just zooms out of the idiot box and zonks me full of revolutionary fervour as ek so Altus se bont hemde en clashing bont dasse aanskou. Maar moet my nou nie aan die praat kry oor al die snaakse klere wat mense op/in 7de Laan dra nie... Mahendra's Ties sal moet diversify.

There must be (LIVE!) a pattern

Mahendra remains elusive, at large, hidden from sight. If I was a statiti... damn, this template doesn't have strikethrough... if I was a statit... beancounter, I would have the patience to analyse my data and start mapping patterns and predicting sightings. Perhaps even open up a betting facility.

But as Mahendra stays in his foxhole, so the SABC gives us Tsepiso Makwetla dressed in black all the way. If it wasn't for that uitspattige necklace around her neck, I would give her a double newsreader's WooHoo!

Tuesday, May 1

And then, POOF!

... he's gone, more elusive than the caracal. And instead, we have Joanne Joseph in a too-tight avocado jacket with a psychedelic green thing on underneath. She looks like a goddamn avo! Come on Joanne, talk to your stylist!

Spotted!!!!!!!

Mahendra spotted in a black jacket, white shirt and a striped tie. Half-inch diagonals alternating between bloody red and what looked like marbled pink. He looked fine, and would have looked finer as a newsreader if he could only tone down on that tie. The tie, Mr Mahendra! Really!