Nevertheless, modern socialism shall blunt the blade of evil.

Those of you with a penchant for spotting the non sequitur in South African performance poetry will recognise the title of this post: it is by none other than South Africa's de/famed 'People's Poet', Mzwakhe Mbuli. Now what, you will ask, has this got to do with Mahendra? Is it a matter of 'Triple M', a la another Mbuli poem, this time Mansell, Michael, Mzwakhe?

Last night, when TM called me, she reminded me also of the Raghunath's interest in the People's Poet, as discussed in the delightful investigation into Mahendra's fridge by Tashi of Tashitagg fame (and also mentioned in the early days of this blog, I might point out for the benefit of rival Facebook Mahendra groups).

Egads! I thought, I had completely forgotten about Mahendra's thesis on Mbuli (in 2004 still unfinished - is it finished now?). And, zounds! I thought, the Raghunath shares, in addition to Scotch and F1 racing, another of my interests. If the Raghunath will deign to contact us - as he does do with other sites - we will point him to some good, critical sources on Mzwakhe.

Mahendra Schumacher Raghunath

Yes, that's right. As TM pointed out in the previous post, Top Billing last night had an insert on Mahendra's racing talents (Please vote for Mahendra as your favourite insert; the poll is low on the left-hand column on the Top Billing site). Although Mahendra's Ties was not named, the blog received a Shout Out from the Raghunath himself. When Top Billing presenter Tumisho Masha mentioned that there was even a blog documenting his ties, the racing newsreader responded only half-coyly: "I believe so... And I hope they continue to do so."

I believe so! As if to imply that he has 'heard' of the blog and that he does not read it. Mahendra, we know you are an avid reader of this blog!

There I was, getting some supper ready when TM called: "Mahendra's gonna be on Top Billing!"

"What? You can't be serious!" I shouted. But my journalistic instincts kicked in: "How do you know?"

I ask this because I rarely know when what will be on shows like Top Billing. Actually, I don't watch Top Billing. Those damn uitspattige clothes they wear on that show! I mean, really, who dresses like this for their job? Yeah, yeah, they'll say that Top Billing is special, a privilege, all that no-hope New Age good feeling, but really, if you have to dress like that to feel special then there's something wrong... Have you seen those puffy dresses Ursula Stapelfeldt wears?

What I'd really like to know is when Mahendra will read the news; a schedule of his readings will really help my bouts of disappointment when I switch to the News on 3 and find no Raghunath. So, Mahendra, if you're reading this, why not drop us a line with your schedule, which we can advertise on the blog. Even better, drop us a line and we make you a writer on this blog. Then you can tell us what you're wearing and why.

Erm, where was I? Yes, I asked TM how she knew and she said her sister, also an avid Mahendra spotter, was watching Top Billing and called her with the news. I turned on the telly and pressed REC on the VCR. There he was! in his grey jacket and pink tie! Doing a newscast.

But it was a spoof as Top Billing's Tumisho Masha then interrupts him and Mahendra does one of those over-dramatised scary faces they learn you at drama school. Tumi (Mahendra called him Tumi) then says they have to go to the racetrack and the Raghunath does some gangster fingerpointing at the camera, showing off his rebellious schoolboy side: "We're outta here."

Before they dash off to Kyalami, though, they talk some ties and we get a shot of a dressing screen hung full - goddamn! - with Raghunath ties. That is when Tumi mentions Mahendra's tie fetish, calling the man a "national style icon"; there's even a blog dedicated to his ties. I think both Tumi and Mahendy need to read the blog more carefully - as the subtitle indicates, the blog is concerned with his "sartorial vicissitudes". That is, the blog is a sympathetic critique rather than a drunken celebration.

But I digress again.

"What's your favourite tie?" asks Tumi. Mahey picks a red one with bands of understated white paisley (I think). The Raghunath's eyes glaze over as he says how he likes the way the tie "reads" on camera. HYPNOTIC! Believers in Riaan Cruywagen's alien hypnotic abilities should watch this. Just as Mahendra was in pursuit of Nigel Mansell's Kyalami lap record, the Raghunath will soon be the hypnotic newsreader par excellence on South African television.

A friend of mine holds the theory that wearing vertically striped clothing - shirts especially - induces a revolutionary-friendly feeling in others. Perhaps Mahendra's ties do the same and soon we will have revolutionary-friendly feelings spreading across the land. COSATU certainly needs it.

I get ahead of myself.

So, off to Kyalami where Mahendra and Tumi joked around like little boys. And they talked about the Raghunath's interest in motor racing, going back to the days of Ayerton Senna, when our newsreader was still a schoolboy, getting up early in the morning to watch those faraway races.

Mahendra first did some laps in a Formula 3 car, then it was on to the B193, a 1993 Benetton F1, apparently the actual car driven by none other than Michael Scumacher, a well-dressed man when he is not in racing gear.

How can one not like the Raghunath more? So he does a Schumi and, according to Tumi, after four laps Mahendra was very close to beating Nigel Mansell's Kyalami lap record. And, as Tumi and Mahendy walk down pitlane, discussing career choices and whether Mahendra ever wishes to change to racing, the Raghunath once again gets that faraway look in his eyes: "One never knows where the road might end..."

Hypnotic! I tell you.

Mahendra gets top billing!

I don't really watch much television, aside of course for the news. But this evening, just after I'd flicked the set off, I received a phone call from a very excited fellow Mahendra spotter.

"Mahendra's going to be on Top Billing tonight," she said. After phoning various other Mahendra addicts, I had a moment or two to calm down, and there he was, not Mahendra the newsreader, but Mahendra the racer! He truly is a man of many facets.

I'm sure you're all dying to know details, but I think the full posting belongs to RK, the creative genius behind the blog.

For now, a quiz. Is the dominant colour in Mahendra's favourite tie:
a. orange,
b. red,
c. gold, or
d. all of the above?

As a final note, am thrilled that Top Billing has picked up on the Mahendra's Ties phenomenon. But to give credit where credit is due, this is not the first press the blog has received - The Cape S*n entertainment pages ran the story a couple of weeks ago. Will post a copy of the article as soon as I stop being slack and get round to scanning it in.

A spotted Tsepiso

Apologies for lack of recent updates: been out and about this week, which had me landed in bed today with a nasty stomach bug. Just before before seven, I dragged myself from bedroom to lounge, determined to undertake at least one productive action in an otherwise lacklustre day.

I was greeted by Tsepiso, dressed in a lilac jacket with '80s shoulder pads. Her fascination with pastels, in winter nogal, never ceases to amaze me.

Underneath she wore a top, the material of which was densely covered with black-and-white spots. For the life of me I couldn't tell whether it was a black top, with white spots, or a white top, with black spots.

JC presented the weather, his plaid scarf a dead giveaway that another cold front is on its way. Brrr! His tie was a jaunty red, and decorated with white spots, perhaps in homage to the Raghunath?

Mahendra confuses his seasons

I have a suspicion I may miss the news tonight, so let me quickly fill you in on yesterday's broadcast, so no one can accuse me of shirking my duties.

Mahendra was in top form. His red tie was seemingly tame, if fairly bright. But that was before I noticed the little white diamond motifs that graced said tie.

And then I realised: it was a Christmas cracker of a tie. Sorry mate, wrong season...

He wore a white shirt underneath. I couldn't tell if it boasted minute white ruffles (unlikely?) or if the contrast was created by fine off-white stripes. Forgive me, high-definition television hasn't made it to my house yet. In fact, my television is the very definition of extremely low definition, if you know what I mean.

Who is the newsbie?

Tonight, as per usual, I missed the beginning of the news. And what a grave error this turned out to be.

No Mahendra. No Tsepiso. No Joanne.

But instead, there was a bright young thing, cute as a button, and I wondered if perhaps she'd wandered into the news studio by mistake, on her way to a casting for Generations. Obviously highly implausible that Generations would be casting at seven on a Sunday evening, but I can think of no other explanation.

However, because of my general tardiness, I have no idea as to her name. Could any readers possibly enlighten me? Until I know her preferred moniker, I shall simply refer to her as 'the newbie', or rather, 'the newsbie'.

The newsbie was wearing a jacket that seemed a reddish-pink to me, although a fellow Mahendra watcher preferred to describe it as a dark coral. Underneath was an aubergine shirt. I am still undecided as to whether I like the colour combination, but have to give her full marks for a bold beginning to her newsreading career.

The collar of her shirt was somewhat sheepishly hidden beneath her jacket, and I couldn't tell whether this was evidence of a latent shy streak in her personality or was in fact an audacious comment on Tsepiso's collar debacle of last night.

The other question that must be considered is whose place the newsbie has usurped. My money would be on Joanne's, as she has been awfully scarce of late.

I await the bulletins this week with great anticipation. In fact, nothing on the news has interested me quite so much since the last time Mahendra paid homage to the Northern Lights.

PS - Also, I forgot, the newsbie's hair was in corn rows. Very trendy for a newsreader. Perhaps, if we are lucky, she shall change hairstyles as often as the Raghunath changes ties?

Back-to-school blues

In between various weekend engagements, I remembered to flick on the television early Saturday evening. Alas, I was disappointed, for the Raghunath was not reading, and instead I was presented with Ms Makwetla, who seemed to be attempting to revisit her school days.

Her light blue, open-collar shirt sat oddly, as the large collar simply enveloped the jacket (or should I say ' blazer?) that she wore over it. I thought the string of beads she wore was pretty and delicate, but they did nothing to save viewers from the ghastly shirt. Altogether the effect was messy, insecure, and unkempt: Tsepiso would not have received the deportment badge if she'd attended my school.

In my opinion, she'd be advised to follow Mahendra's example, and wear a tie next time she opts for a shirt with a collar.

Butternut soup on the menu again?

Although it's taken me a while to update my readers, I'll have you know last Friday night I managed to catch Mahendra repeating his tie, as he does on occasion.

The repetition had its educational value: previously I had classified this tie as cucurbita moschata, or butternut if you will, but on a friend's television screen, the tie had lost all its vibrancy, and looked but a pale version of its former self.

Considering I caught the news straight after going for a reiki treatment I was very much aware that orange is supposed to be a colour simply bursting with energy, but this particular tie seemed to be draining Mr Raghunath's natural confidence. His face looked wan and sallow, and his elocution was not up to standard, as his tongue tripped over 'the minister of m... m... minerals and energy...'. I am beginning to wonder if he needs work on some of his chakras?

The identity-crisis tie

Only spotted Mahendra briefly last night, as was on my way out...

His tie was a winner though. It featured:
1. broad grey and maroon stripes,
2. a medium-sized gold (his new favourite colour?) stripe, and
3. thin white stripes.

But then there was also a single, lonely, thin white stripe crossing over the other stripes. Check out the picture to see what I mean. All in all, the tie seemed to be making a woefully inadequate attempt at going plaid.

The Egoli of ties

The camera does not do it justice but believe me, this tie blazed a soft gold.